Abundance

When you think of abundance what goes through your mind. Is it having lots of money? Maybe having expensive things. We all have different ideas about abundance. My idea of abundance has changed. I used to think it was having a lot of money. I feel differently now.
It has been a year since my back inhury and I have not worked in 11 months. Somehow we have made it financially this far. Many times I would wonder how we would pay a bill and each time the bill would get paid. We have learned to live on a very tight budget. Sure we don't have a lot of extras but we don't seem to miss them.
This summer has been very abundant right in our back yard. We have had two different kinds of wild berry crops like I have never seen in the 23 years I have lived here. I feel this was a gift from God and there was no way I was giong to waste any of it. I have been canning jam all summer. First I used the wild black cap raspberries. I knew we had these in the yard before but this year they were everywhere. I canned them, made muffins with them and 2 pies. The past 3 weeks I have been picking wild blackberries. These I had never noticed before. I knew we had bramble type bushes but didn't know they were blackberries. I have done so much canning and there is still more to do. This is what I call abundance. God has filled the bushes in my yard with berries and the trees in my yard with apples and pears. I have canned enough fruit to give jam to all our 9 children and their familes, other family members and friends for the holidays plus I have some left over to sell. I will be selling 8 oz jars at my website http://emeraldhillhealing.weebly.com/ until the extra is gone.
Thank you Lord for the Abundance. Love and Blessings Anne

The Hermit Crab

I spent the day at the beach on Wednesday. In the morning it was low tide but coming in. My daughter Bianca and Iwent to look for treasures. We picked up empty shells of different shapes and sizes, feathers from the sea gulls, sea tumbled pieces of bricks and sea glass and every so often a small piece of drift wood. When we filled up the big plastic cups we brought we took our treasures back to my parent's home and rinsed off the sand.

After we had lunch it was back to the beach for the afternoon. The tide had come in and the water was so clear and clean. We put down our chairs and towels and went in the water. It was cold at first but not that numbing cold that actually makes you hurt. Little by little we inched our way deeper and deeper. As soon as I was able to totally duck in the water I was fine. I swam and enjoyed the energy from the salt water. I love how the salt holds you up and it is so easy to float. I made my way into that water a few times during the afternoon because the sun was so hot I needed relief. On one of my trips in the water, something happened to catch my eye. I don't know why I noticed this. I have seen many shells before but there was something about this one. I looked and looked and finally saw that this shell had legs. I was able to grab it and I brought it out of the water into the light. For the first time in 51 yrs of going to this beach, I had found a hermit crab. I was very excited about finding this small animal and I showed my family. Of course I couldn't keep this little animal but I did get to take pictures of it before I let it go free.

For days I wondered about the meaning of my finding this animal. I looked in my animal totem book but the hermit crab was not there. I knew in my heart there was a message there but I just wasn't finding it. For me to see this very small animal through the water was amazing. I can't believe I even noticed it so I knew I was meant to find meaning. Tonight I went looking online for an answer. I got it from "From Gift From The Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindberg. she says …" One is free, like the hermit crab, to change one’s shell. "

These past few months I have been fighting change. I have been holding on to life as I knew it not as I know it today. Deep inside I know I am changing and it is a change for the better but any change is difficult. I need to leave the past behind and go on to my future. I need to trust that I will be led in the right direction. Time to shed that old shell that has become too small and look for a better fitting one with room to grow.

An observation I made on Wednesday is that the beach I have visited every summer of my life is changing. The water was cleaner, the sandpipers were back and I hadn't seen them in years. There were terns swimming on the water. I am not sure what kind of terns they were but I had only seen them once in before at this beach. I am not sure if these changes are good or not. Hermit crabs are something new to that beach. The crab was in a periwinkle shell. I didn't notice many periwinkles on the rocks. They are usually everywhere. Over the years the starfish disappeared. Could these changes be happening because of global warming? I am no scientist to see there are many changes happening in our physical world and also in our spiritual world. I guess for me it is time to change also. Love and Light Anne

Another Goodbye

Today I went to visitng hours at the local funeral home to pay my respects to the family of a 21 yr old boy I took care of when he was just a little baby. He had grown into a very handsome young man and spent the last 21 yrs touching people's lives with his smile. The line was long but I didn't mind waiting. When I hugged his mom all she could say was "You held him as a baby". I think it brought her back to those days. He would cry for his mom then and now she is crying for him. I had rehearsed what I would say but all I said was "Yes I did, Yes I did". i wanted to tell her something that would help her, I wanted to tell her I would be there if she wanted to talk sometime. Maybe she will know that.
This had been the first time I had been to this funeral home since Mary died. He was in the same spot she had been in. Both young people gone too soon. Both the physical shell that is left after the spirit leaves the body. All the bright energy, their light gone from this form. But they are not dead. Their light lives on and we will join them when it is our time.
Always tell the people you love that you love them. I love you......Anne

Feeling Better

Everyday seems to be better than the last. I am now feeling like I am out of the fog. I looked back at the emails I sent out when I was going through the break down and it is a little scary. I pray that I never get that low again. A very good friend told me about a website that I should check out www.starchildglobal.com and to read the following item "Earthlog 1st August: Solar Eclipse and... here we go!". I think this may have something to do with my breakdown. At least it may have contributed to it. We as Lightworkers are very sensitive to energy changes. I have also learned that it isn't always what is happening in my life but how I react to it. I need to take care of me and keep myself happy. I am the only one who can make myself happy and I shouldn't depend on others to do it for me. Of course there are things that people do that make me feel good. It is up to me to continue that good feeling and not depend on others for it.
I went to see a movie for the first time in a couple of years. The movie was "Mama Mia". I laughed so hard and truly enjoyed myself. I can't stay cooped up in this house so much. I need to get out and be around people. Maybe this break down was a blessing in disguise. I now know that I can't go on living like a hermit. I need to be around people, I need to be outside in the sunshine or even in the rain. I need to love the person I am inside and know that I am ok! Thank you all for your love and support. Love and Light Anne

Looking Up!

Yesterday afternoon I had such a burst of energy. I went outside and the sun was shining and it was just the right temperature. I thought I would do some gardening but I saw my husband riding the mower and mowing the lawn and thought, "I should try that" and I did. My husband showed me how to work it and I was off. I felt a little shaky at first because there were some dips and things but after I did it for ahwile I felt more confident. I smelled the fresh air and felt the breeze blowing in my face. I truly enjoyed the experience. When I was finished mowing I walked my labyrinth with a bit of a spring in my step. I got to the center and for some reason as I was standing there I looked up. Such a beautiful sight like looking at different dimensions. Looking through the pear tree and then the willow tree and finally the sky. I realized that I spend so much time looking down not wanting to trip over anything. Being so careful makes me miss out on the beauty around me. Maybe I should just trust that I will not trip and fall and even if I do, I can pick myself back up and continue on my way. Isn't that what I am doing right now?
After supper I went for a walk with my little dog Zeke. Instead of watching the ground before me I spent much of the time looking up. I saw such beauty and I did not trip. From now on I will try my best to trust that God will keep me walking and if I fall He will send the angels to help lift me up so I can continue to travel my path. Love and Light Anne

Baby Steps

A week has gone by with only a little progress but at least there is some progress. I did try the cymbalta but it made me sick. I couldn't bring myslef to take it even one more day. I am back on the more natural path to wellness, walking my labyrinth and praying helps. Watching funny shows on TV also helps. I am taking naps when I am tired and last night I slept very well for the first time all week. There are times when I still get kind of weepy but I have found that calling and talking with one of my daughters or my step daughter or my mom really helps me. I don't like to bother my friends although I don't think my true friends would mind. I have received rocks from different parts of the US from my online friends. They are beautiful and hold such healing energy. I hold each one everyday to feel that energy and love that was sent along with them. I am sending rocks from my home to them also. I am blessed and thankful for these wonderful loving people that have been put in my path. God Bless Anne

Slipping Again?

Well, I guess I am going to have to give in about the meds. I just can't stand feeling like this anymore. I feel ok for a little while and then the least little thing starts me spinning downwards. I think that smoking used to help me with this in the past but I am not going back to that. I just have to get my head in a good place again. The doc really believes it is a chemical imbalance. That is actually starting to make sense to me. I guess it is worth a try. I can always go off them if they don't help or I get side effects. I can also do my spiritual and energy work along with taking the meds. So tonight I will start. Please say a prayer if you get a minute. Love Anne

Pills Won't Fix It!

Today is the first day I feel like the fog is lifting a little even though it is pouring rain outside. I went to see the doctor yesterday and she prescribed an antidepressant. I read about it and the side affects. Do I really want to take the chance to make my situation worse? Yes, I went through a horrible event and I don't ever want to feel that low ever again but will pills take it away? Won't they only treat the symptoms? Shouldn't I try and find out what is at the core of my sadness and work on that? Would talking to a professional help me? How about regular exercise, listening to music, laughing at silly jokes, meditation? There has to be some way to fix me without putting chemicals into my body. I am going to find a way. Let me start by sharing these beautiful flowers with you. Love Anne

Starting the Climb

After two days of crying and sleeping I woke up pretty tired this morning. My husband is going to stay. Either way I have to work on me. I guess I would call this a bit of a detour. It takes a lot of energy to do the simple things I always took for granted. I did a tiny bit of shopping for food and was polite to the folks I saw, smiling as I masked the pain inside. When I got home I put the food away and took two of my prayer sticks that I hadn't painted or decorated and used them to prop up two tomato plants. They worked pretty well. the weather was just right today and for the first time in weeks I walked my labyrinth. I was mindful of each ring and each chakra it represented. When I got to the center I forced myself to find things to be thankful for. The warm breeze felt good and so did the sun on my face. I hadn't eaten much over the past few days so I made a lunch and ate it. A college gounselor caled about my going back to school but this just isn't the time to talk about that. I think I will wait awhile. A call came in for an interview and I said yes. At least is sin't until Wednesday.By now I was tired again so I took a pill knowing the family would be getting home soon and took a little nap. When I woke up and went to the kitchen I noticed that the bananas were getting too ripe so I found a recipe for whole wheat banana muffins and made them. Then I made supper. I had bought some frames the other day so I printed out some of my flower photos and framed them. I know it sounds so boring but it was wonderful to be able to do these few things and enjoy them. I am kind of feeling like I am a bit breakable and the least little bit of stress could send me over the edge. Each step is a blessing.
Thank you Lord for the blessings today. Love and Light Anne

hitting bottom

Well, here I am sitting at the botom of this huge black hole and not quite sure how to get myself back up. I did get a lot of help to get down here. All those jobs I didn't get, All those friends who stopped calling because we couldn't afford to go out, All the people who just advise me to get a job. Just look for one they say. What do they think I am trying to do. Now the troubles with the one person I thought I could count on. I am not sure if these drugs are working for me. I feel kind of drunk in my body because I am off balance but my head is clear, I am not constantly crying like I was before. My husband is looking into moving back to Michigan. It will take some time to get over that pain. Deep down I think he will be happier there with his family. I will get better and go on with my life. Maybe I should take back my maiden name Cirella. I am proud of that name and really never wanted to give it up. Maybe! Now to find one little thing to bring me a glimpse of joy. Aha, there they are. My little bundles of unconditional love. Thank you Lord for showing me where my light comes from.