I grew up in a suburb of Boston in Massachusetts. We lived on a cul-de-sac of two family homes. I remember pretending that I had a horse in the basement. My favorite toy was my rocking horse who I named King. I dreamed of one day riding a real horse.
There was one time when I was a teen that I actually did sit on a horse but he got spooked by someone with a bright colored glass and started to rear. I got off the horse pretty quickly and after that I never had the opportunity to be around horses again.
One of the students I work with rides horses and I mentioned to her that I wanted to take a riding lesson. She gave me a number to call and I walked around with that number for weeks. April vacation was approaching and I knew it was time to make that call. I had a good talk with the instructor and made a date for my lesson.
The morning of April 26th I woke up pretty early. I was nervous and excited and wanted to be sure I got to the farm on time. I was early. Two dogs greeted me when I pulled into the farm. Shortly after my instructor walked up from behind the barn. I liked her immediately. We spent some time talking and getting to know each other. She introduced me to Swaney, the horse I would be riding and then she brought Swaney up to the barn to get her ready for my ride.
At first I was a little awkward around the horse which I guess would be normal for someone who hadn't spent time with horses before. They are a big animal.
I was taught step by step about the horse. How they see and how to walk behind them and around them safely. Then it was time to start grooming her. There were 3 types of brushes and I learned to use all three. I brushed her face too. The more I brushed and touched her the more comfortable I felt around her. I was even allowed to do some Reiki on her.
After about an hour or so, she was ready for the ride. I put on my helmet and walked to the steps where I would climb up on Swaney's back. There was no saddle because my instructor wanted me to really feel how the horse moved. I really didn't have too much time to think. For a split second I wanted to turn around and go back to the barn but I didn't. I climbed those steps and without really thinking about what I was going to do, I got myself on the horse.
There was nothing to hold onto but her mane, which really isn't something that felt very secure and since I didn't have any idea where I should sit or how it would feel, I can say I felt very unstable. The horse and I were led by the instructor to the ring where we walked around and I did my best to stay centered on the horse.
Every time I started to move with Swaney and felt comfortable, my instructor would change something and I would start slipping off. I was able to pull myself back to center each time but I was very afraid of falling off. I took deep breaths to release the stress and tried to concentrate on the movement of the horse underneath me. Thankfully I had been trying to build up my core and inner thigh muscles. This helped me stay put. After almost 40 minutes I felt that I had to stop. I didn't want to stop but my legs were so tired and starting to shake. We went around a couple of times and came to a stop.
As I sat there on Swaney, something started to build up inside me and tears started to sneak out of my eyes. I wanted to stop them but they kept flowing. I am not sure why this happened. It was like all the pain and stress of the past month just came out, and Swaney stood still and allowed me to release the tears I had been holding in. Now I can see why horses are used in therapy. There is a connection without judgement. This was the moment when I truly knew why I had waited all these years to ride a horse. I might not have understood this connection when I was younger. I get it now.
I got off of the horse and realized that I wasn't really so far from the ground. After a hug from my instructor and a nice walk back to the barn, I took care of Swaney. I felt closer to her now and as I stood talking to my instructor, Swaney nuzzled the back of my head. I gave her a little more Reiki before she went back out with her friends. I made an appointment for my next lesson.
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